Family ties: SAO parody
by NotALifeToLive
Summary: Just a bunch of random events the three do together. Some are SUPPOSE to be funny. Some as just sugar-dripped sweetness. AsunaxKirito. Yui in every chapter. Yeah, I know, I'm a dork. I got it. Rated T for Yui's sweetness and sudden want for a sibling. And language. No lemons, no limes. Hints (suggestions). Oh, and Akihiko HAS to make an appearance. Cover pic isn't mine. Crack.
1. Singing Winter's Song and Ponies

Just a bunch of random events the three do together. Some are SUPPOSE to be funny. Some as just sugar-dripped sweetness. AsunaxKirito. Yui in every chapter. ^_^. Yeah, I know, I'm a dork. I got it. Rated T for Yui's sweetness and sudden want for a sibling. And hinted language. No lemons, no limes. Hints (suggestions). Oh, and Akihiko HAS to make an appearance at least once.

* * *

Chapter one- Singing Winter's song and ponies.

Asuna woke up to a birdy singing. More precise- her little birdy. "Yui, what are you singing?" She asked, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

Yui glanced strangely over at her mother. "Winter's song. It'll snow tomorrow, you know."

Asuna frowned, stifling back a yawn. God, she was still tired!

Kirito sat up straight, much like a zombie. "Whose singing?" He groaned, somewhat bed-headed, and irritated a losing sleep. "I was dreaming I was riding a pony!"

Asuna cast a confused look at her husband. "A pony? Really, a pony?"

He shrugged. "Don't judge me. It felt real."

Asuna's frown only deepened. She rubbed her face in exasperation. "Oh, God, I married an idiot."

Kirito smirked, now fully awake. "And I married YOU."

She gasped, whacking him.

Yui fell backwards onto her back, laughing. "Careful, mommy. You might break him," she warned playfully, wiping a hysterical tear from her face.

Asuna smiled at the sight of her daughter's happiness. Kirito checked his arm for marks.

* * *

It was only at breakfast that Yui realized her father's words. And they confused her! "Daddy, I'm confused. Why ponies? Does Sao even have ponies?"

She pursed her lips, thinking.

He chuckled at the face she was making. "You could check."

Yui grinned peacefully at the idea. She got off her chair and fell to the ground, sending out signals with her hand. Her eyes were closed tightly.

She opened her eyes a moment later. "I stand corrected. Twenty five miles west of here has a pony farm- a ranch, really."

Kirito glanced at Asuna, eyes pleading. "You're not gonna let me rest until you meet a pony, are you?"

He shook his head innocently.

She sighed. "Fine. Go upstairs and get dressed, Yui."

Both father and daughter grinned as they jumped up and down in excitement. Asuna was already starting to regret her decision.

It was only gonna get worse.

* * *

The farm, it turn out, belonged to a seventeen year old boy with the worst southern accent in the world. It was so obviously fake.

"You wouldn't mind giving us a tour, would you?" Asuna smiled sweetly.

The guy blushed immediately at that. "Y-y-yeah, sure. Come this way, cowgirl."

Kirito frowned at the nickname. Yui eyed the man suspiciously. She ran up and grabbed her mother's hand. "Mommy, I wanna see the ponies! And daddy swore he would take me!" She cried convincing, tossing a wink over her shoulder at her father.

He thankfully caught it, taking it as his cue to take Asuna's hand. "Well, come on, then, darling," he said, daring the other boy to refuse.

He stumbled nervously. "Oh-oh, she's YOUR cowgirl? I thought she was a wild one."

Kirito winked at him. "Oh, she is. A real cowgirl casanova."

Asuna proceeded to attack him, much to the poor ranch owner's confusion and amusement. She really WAS a wild one.

Yui frowned at her father's last statement. "What's that suppose to mean?" She wondered to herself. A sudden thought occurred.

"Mommy, you ride horses for a living?!"

Asuna face-palmed as Kirito laughed. The poor rancher was bright red and looked about ready to faint. But that, my dear friends, is what you get for dealing with the Kirigaya family.


	2. Yui's Request and the Discussion

Chapter two- Yui's request and the discussion.

The ranch incident ended almost as sudden as it had begun. Asuna was just disappointed about why the farmer had fainted. What's with that?!

She sighed, glaring out over her kitchen. She was home safe and that's all Kirito cared about.

To the whole fiasco, he'd dismissed it with, "Eh, lame. The ponies in my dreams were _much_ cooler than that."

Yui had just laughed all Yui-like. "You're just happy that mommy thought he was a dork, too!" She'd teased.

Asuna smiled at the memory. "Eh, mommy?" A small voice asked timidly, jerking her from her thoughts.

She smiled fondly at her child. "Yes, Yui?"

Yui scuffed her feet nervously. Kirito, who had come into the room, listen intently. They were planning on buying him a pony, weren't they?!

Yui blushed. "You and daddy know I love you since you accepted me even knowing what I am?"

Asuna scowled, not sure were this was going at all. Kirito, on the other hand, grinned. They _were_ buying him a pony!

"Yui, what are you getting at?"

"Can you and daddy make me a human sibling?!" She screamed out.

Dead silence.

A small smile slowly crept to Kirito's face. This was better than a pony!

* * *

Asuna was tongue-tied, breathe-taken, and overall, scared. Kirito wore a smug smirk on his face. He was _enjoying_ this!

Asuna felt her cheeks heat up. "A-a baby, Yui? That's a lot of responsibility. Kirito and I would be so busy with the new edition that you'd probably get so lonely."

Yui shook her head swiftly. "No, I wouldn't! I would always be with you guys and my sibling!" She said quickly.

"She makes a good point," Kirito chimed in.

Yui pointed. "See? Daddy sees my point!"

Asuna frowned. She wasn't sure _what_ Kirito saw, and she didn't want to.

Kirito sighed. "Asuna, Asuna, Asuna, do you not trust me?"

"No," she said bluntly.

He mocked a gasp. "What about the time I defended you from Kuradeel, hm? Remember that?"

Yui frowned. Who was Kuradeel? And what had he done exactly? Apparently something bad, judging from the color mommy changed.

"Fine," she spat from between gritted teeth. "What else?"

Kirito tried to think about it, scowling when no other people came to mind. "Ummm, Myself?" He answered finally.

Asuna raised an amused eyebrow. "Uh-huh. Nope, you don't count."

Yui sighed. Why was it that **_she_**, the artificial intelligence among them, was always the one confused?

"Can I have a sibling, or not?" She asked gently.

Asuna pursed her lips. "Kirito, we'd better talk about this. Come on."

He nodded solemnly.

* * *

As soon as they were alone, Kirito grinned mischievously. "I'm with the kid. I vote yay."

Asuna blushed at the implication. "But Kirito, it's a baby. How will we take care of it when we're on raids? We gonna have Heathcliff babysit? Heh, I doubt that. What happens if we clear the game? Or if one of us dies?"

He kissed her forehead. "I don't see what you're so worked up about. We're in a virtual world, it's not like we **_could_** reproduce if we even wanted to. We'll tell Yui that we tried, and we did, and that it just can't happen. And, when we clear the game, and meet each other in real life, we'll make her a real sibling."

Asuna smiled, realizing he must be right. "Okay, let's go tell Yui the news."

The headed into the other room. Yui began to cry from happiness at the thought of being a big sister and protector to the baby.

Kirito knew that Asuna wouldn't get pregnant. It was only a virtual world, after all. It's impossible... Or... is it?


	3. Virtually Pregnant and the Hunt

Chapter three - Virtually pregnant and the hunt for tests.

Asuna came into the room. She was NOT happy. "Eh, Kirito, what exactly was it you said about not being able to get pregnant?! Well, guess again."

Kirito's eyes widened. "WHAT?! How could that even happen?! Our bodies weren't even really making love!"

Asuna sighed. "Akihiko Kayaba. That sadist. Do you think he knows he has a glitch in his system?"

Kirito bit his lip, thinking. "I'm not so sure it's a glitch."

Asuna was peeved. "HE DID THIS ON PURPOSE?!"

Kirito winced. "Asuna, not in my ears."

She blushed sheepishly. "Oh, sorry. I'm just so," she shuddered furiously, struggling to fight the right words to say, "so mad," she decided on finally.

Kirito smirked. "Well, there's one way of verifying this."

"Pregnancy test," they both said in perfect unison.

Unlike her parents, Yui was super psyched. "I'm a big sister!" She sang happily, "An older, big sissy!"

Kirito also happened to find this amusing, despite his anitial shock. Asuna was the only one dreading the baby-to-be.

The store, it turned out, owned no pregnancy tests. Asuna found that to be a good sign. That must mean no way that she was...

"Found one, mommy!" Yui chipped in.

Asuna groaned. That sadist! It was Akihiko's and Kirito's fault. They MEANT for her to get pregnant. She just knew it!

She forced a smile to her lips. "That's great, Yui," she managed a convincingly happy tone, "I was afraid that there were none left."

Yui beamed, glad to be of assistance. Kirito was finding that quite amusing. "I find this quite amusing," he murmured to himself with a chuckle.

Asuna shot him a poisonous glare. He just grinned back. Oh, if looks could kill, he'd be dead ten times over.

She sighed. "Let's head to the counter with it already."

On the walk up, Asuna swore, everyone was looking at her. Their prying eyes seemed to be following her everywhere, wondering if she was stupid or irresponsible since she carried a pregnancy test in her hand, and seemed to be scared about it.

She sighed. "Yeah, that's me; the probably knocked up Asuna Yuki, a.k.a., Lightning Flash," she thought sadly to herself. She almost immediately brightened back up again.

She heard two girls whisper about it. "The Lightning Flash is pregnant?! No way!"

Her partner smirked. "Oh come on. I was gonna happen eventually. Especially the way that BEATER'S always hanging around her. I bet he's the father, the whore."

Asuna rolled her eyes. She briefly considered ignoring them, but she knew she wouldn't let them leave it at that.

She set them up with a nasty smirk. "Yeah, the Beater's the father, and a bloody good one. But at least I have someone who loves me, inside game, and out, right?"

Kirito came up to her, grinning like an idiot, getting a pretty good idea what had happened. "Yeah, I'm that idiot," he said stupidly.

The girl's stared in wide-eyed shock. Had they really been that loud?! Yes, they had. The whole store was applauding Asuna for standing up for herself and her family.

They stuttered their excuses before running away like little wusses. Yui smiled. She had the coolest parents ever!

"Mommy?" She said, her soft voice from shyness. "You and daddy are cool."

Not cool enough.

Asuna fingered the test nervously. It was yet to used. She was scared. What if she really was pregnant? Kirito wasn't panicing, that was a good sign, so why was she?

It made no sense.

Asuna sighed, pulling down her pants. She glared at the test in her hand.

Five minutes later, she came out of the bathroom. Eyes closed, she handed it to Kirito. "Here, I can't look. Tell me."

Kirito glanced down at the test. The world around him exploded. "Holy crap, you're pregnant!"

Her eyes opened, staring at him unbelievingly. She was a... mother? Biologically? (Sorry, Yui).


	4. Heathcliff's Decision and Asuna's Smile

Chapter four- Heathcliff's dicision and Asuna's smile.

So, there they stood, both before the leader of their guild. Heathcliff didn't seem to know whether to be surprised or impressed- his face seemingly settled with both, mixing his expression weirdly.

That alone scared the crap out of Kirito. Asuna was explaining Yui's sudden request and the unexpected grant. Suddenly, Kirito felt Heathcliff's eyes on him. That same unsettling feeling swept through him again. "YOU'RE AFTER MY RAINBOW PONY, AREN'T YOU?!" He yelled, ultimately surprising Asuna, Heathcliff, and even himself, in the process.

Heathcliff felt a bead of sweat fall down the back of his neck. "No, I don't think so. Yeah, that's okay; you keep it."

Asuna was frozen in a "Oh my God, you didn't freakin' just do that, did you?!" stance. Her face was pointed towards Kirito in horror.

He sighed awkwardly, pointing at her. "Asuna's pregnant!" He tattled.

Asuna unfroze. "Ugh, you idiot!" She yelled loudly. Very loudly. "He already knows that! I told him."

Kirito shurgged, disappearing back into his fantasy world. Him and Yui were on a merri-go-round, laughing. His mind Asuna was laying in the grass, looking up at her child and husband. Her stomach was already gently bended from the baby growing there. She had a wild smile on her face.

Kirito found himself wishing his real-life child would look like her- or at least, inherit her smile. That would be nice, wouldn't it?

Kirito sighed, drawing Heathcliff's attention again. Second mistake. Kirito narrowed his eyes at his superior. "Careful, my friend," he warned in a dangerous tone, "You're trending on dangerous grounds. Be watchful. There are only two things no one will ever take away from me; my My Little Ponies' collection-"

Asuna gapped. "Kirito!"

He ignored her. "And my family."

Heathcliff frowned. "Just those two?" He was half joking when he asked, and he didn't expect and answer back, but Kirito was an idiot.

"Yes, just those two."

Asuna sighed, feeling already like a mother. She rubbed her face in frustration. "Don't encourage him, Commander. He's an idiot and he'll take it seriously."

Kirito grinned just to prove her point. "No mini horses for you!" He teased.

Heathcliff realized he was being serious. "Alright, back to the matter at hand. You say you're pregnant?"

Asuna nodded her confirmation. "Mr. Big-Beater, here, is that father, if you haven't guessed."

Heathcliff nodded once, frowning in Kirito's direction, absolutely careful not to look the moronic, pony-obsessed boy in the eye. "And you want a leave of absence, I'm guessing."

Asuna nodded once more. "Just until the baby's three months old. Plus, I don't really need the absence until I'm showing, in about four-to-six months."

Heathcliff frowned; he did that a lot in this badly written/not-so-funny parody. But that's okay. "Are you sure the baby will survive raids and other plunders? You and Kirito have done so much for us, it's honestly no problem if you wanna skip until the baby's born, then take your three months off afterwards." There was real concern in his voice, and Asuna caught it.

She pushed a smile to her face. "I'm sure we'll be fine. After all, Kirito will be watching our back."

Kirito smirked, obviously pleased with her words. "Aye, aye, cap'ain."

Asuna's eyes widened as she said, "I'll take the months now."


	5. Home Life

**Okay guys, I really need your help. You see, despite me being the author, I'm neutral about the baby's gender, and honestly, like in real life, I want to leave it up to fate. And since I'm too lazy to put a poll up, please vote which gender YOU want, that way, you guys will have helped me with the story. This vote will last two weeks. Please vote in that time. Thank you.**

* * *

Chapter five- Home life.

It had been three weeks since Asuna's and Kirito's talk with the commander. And she was getting bored. At least Kirito was with her, right?

Wrong.

That made it even worse! It's not that she was losing interest or love in him, but that, his constant presence over her shoulder was getting... annoying. She sighed deeply, pushing the very notion away. It was her pregnancy hormones kicking in. Nothing more, nothing less.

Yui came running into the room, all smiley and happy. She'd been like this since she'd heard the news. Today would be no different. "Hiya, mommy!" She bubbled, throwing her arms around her mother's waist. "How's baby sister doing?"

Asuna frowned at the latter sentence. "How do you know it's a girl? Can you really tell that just by looking at me, Yui?"

Yui shook her head, grinning. "No, but I want it to be a sister. But I guess a brother would do."

Kirito came in, yawning, despite it being early noon. "I think I'm gonna take a nap," he announced, "Asuna, where did I put my teddy bear slippers again?"

Asuna sighed. "You of all people should know where you put them!" She cried, hormones raging like a vicious smirk on the face of someone you hate.

He sighed. "Yeah, but I forgot," he defended. "Yui, did you see?"

She nodded. "Under your's and mama's bed."

The man simply winked and ran off.

Asuna grinned when she felt like sighing. "I really did marry an idiot, didn't I?"

Yui shrugged knowingly. "I think we all secretly have an idiot side to us. Some, like daddy, just aren't afraid to show it. They understand humanity far better than the rest of us, I think."

Asuna stood there, frozen. It never ceased to amaze her her child's intelligence, even if the child in question was an emotionally complex AI. Especially when Akihiko Kayaba was the one who created her.

She felt tears touch her cheeks. "Thanks, Yui, that's exactly what I needed to hear," she whispered happily, stroking her child's hair affectionately.

Her smiled deepened even more when Kirito came up behind them, hugging his family close. It was then that moment he realized that he'd lied to Heathcliff. Yeah, ponies are cool and all, but they were compared nothing to his family.

* * *

The days got a little better for Asuna. Though, the morning sickness was living up to its name. She really was getting sick of it.

As much as she hated to admit it, Kirito was ACTUALLY helpful, whether he was making soup, holding her hair back, demanding she get to bed, or massaging her feet and stomach. She hated that she loved it so much.

"Asuna, you okay?" He asked her one day.

She resisted the urge to roll her eyes and yell at him, screaming he was an idiot. Instead, she counted to ten in her head, took a deep breathe, and forced a smile to her face. "Yeah, I'm PERFECTLY fine, thanks."

Kirito frowned. "You're using sarcasm. Wow, must be serious."

Asuna sighed. The idiot could be pretty observant when he needed to be. He smirked, pleased with the fact that he had been right. "Aw, that bad? Must be miserable. Hey, I know what might cheer you up! A HUG. Come here, Asuna."

She got up, laughing, as he chased her around the house. Yui blinked from bafflement as they ran passed her. "Strange," she thought numbly to herself.

Kirito finally cornered Asuna in the kitchen. She hid behind the island counter, running around the table whenever he chased after her. Their little cat and mouse game would last forever, so finally, after three hours, Kirito conceded.

"I conceded!" He'd told Yui, when she'd made the mistake of asking him what they were doing, and who won.

Yui laughed as her mother continued to crow and Kirito ran over and hugged her out of spite. She loves their little family, but even so, it would feel so empty without the coming baby. See now, she finally had someone to talk to.


	6. Kick!

Chapter six- Kick!

She was in her second month of her pregnancy, morning sickness coming everyday, although not roughly in the morning. Instead, mostly in the night scene.

Asuna pushed the covers back as she sat up. For some odd reason or another, she was feeling _ACTUALLY_ cheerful. She smiled down at the still-sleeping man.

She almost laughed at the sight. Kirito wasn't the most attractive sleeper in SAO, what with his mouth wide open and his hair bed-wrecked. And don't even mention his awkward positioning.

She glanced over at her other angel. Yui slept just fine, curled her on her side, hair a TINY bit askew, mouth closed, and breathe coming steadily from her nose.

An idea was already forming in Asuna's devious little brain. With that, she ran towards the kitchen, giggling like a maniac. Now, if that didn't wake them, what would?

Asuna tapped her player menu, calling for eggs, cheese, and frog legs?!

She growled frustratedly, realizing Kirito must have snuck those terrible "foods" in. She smirked, making peace with the fact.

Kirito could keep his frog legs, but she and Yui would have bacon.

She pulled her player menu out again and summoned... ham.

She shrugged. Well, ANYTHING was better than frog legs, that was for sure.

Asuna continued on "cooking", merely clicking and timing things out. She smiled, finally, when she had three perfect breakfast sandwiches.

And Kirito's sandwich was the most perfect of all, cue evil laughter.

Again, nothing?

Come on, people! Well, let's get back to the story at hand.

* * *

She danced back into the other room, humming and giggling go herself. "Kirito! Yui!" She cried happily. "Wake up, sleepyheads!"

Yui sat up straight, rubbing her eyes and groaning. "Okay, mommy," she responded cheerfully.

Kirito was a whole other story. She whacked him roughly when he didn't respond. "Wake you, Kirito," she said to the tired boy. "Breakfast's ready."

"No!" He groaned childishly. She smiled over a Yui, deducting that this would probably take a while. "You can go eat yours," she told her daughter sweetly, "It's the one all the way to the left."

Yui nodded, running off.

Asuna turned her attention back to her lazy husband. She glanced over at their bookshelves. So many books on babies and nursing, but that's not the book she was looking for.

She grinned finally, when she caught sight of it. The title read, "How to Remove a Tired Husband From Bed," by Akihiko Kayaba.

She laughed. Kayaba MUST'VE wrote this book just for her. She grabbed it and skimmed the pages, deciding on section nineteen:

Leg puller.

She reached roughly under the sheets and grabbed Kirito's legs, pulling on him. "Let go!" She yelled when she saw him grab the sheets.

"Never! The bogeyman will get me!"

She rolled her eyes, tugging harder. "No, he won't! Wanna know why?! **_HE'S FICTIONAL_**!"

"That's not what Akihiko Kayaba told me!" He protested.

"He lied, you idiot. Let go!"

Kirito gasped. "He lied? **_TO ME_**?!" He let go and allowed Asuna to pull him off the bed with a slight, "Ow!" when his body hit the wooden floor hard, the same time as Asuna gasped.

He laid there dazed for a moment. "That little liar!" He hissed angrily.

He heard another little gasp from Asuna.

"What's wrong?" He asked his cringing wife.

"I think the baby's kicking."


	7. Panic

Chapter seven- Panic.

He heard another little gasp from Asuna.

"What's wrong?" He asked his cringing wife.

"I think the baby's kicking."

* * *

Kirito's eyes widened. "What? It's kicking. Yui, get into the car! You're mom's having the baby!"

He ran passed the doe-eyed child. "But, daddy-" she tried.

"Didn't you hear me?! Get in the car! You're about to have a sibling!"

She tried again, "But we don't **_HAVE_** a car, daddy."

He froze momentarily, staring her straight in the eye, just a bit crazy-eyed. "Screw it; you're right. I'm overreacting. We'll have Heathcliff drive."

Yui groaned, rubbing her face in antipation of the up - coming talk she was about to have to give him. "Daddy, SAO doesn't have cars. Period."

He looked at her and laughed shaking his head. "You're pulling my finger, aren't you? Aw, I see! This has all been an elaborate plot with Akihiko Kayaba to get me to reveal what I know about the 'Secret Of The Rainbow' society, commonly known as 'SOTR'."

Yui shook her head swiftly. "No. No one knows why Akihiko Kayaba didn't invent cars in this world. There is a theory going on that he's a cold-hearted sadist."

Kirito stroked his chin thoughtfully. "Yes, that does seem to be a rumor. But so untrue. Kayaba's quite the nice guy... you know, if you haven't died yet. Or you don't have a family member in this game..."

Asuna came into the room, poking her belly. The baby responded by kicking her. She laughed and poked again, restarting the process all over again.

Kirito frowned. "What are you doing here, Asuna? Shouldn't you be riding the wind to the other world?"

She raised a confused eyebrow at that. "What? I just got here. And what wind? Are you crazy?"

His eyes seemed to go cross right then and there. "Nevermind," she groaned.

Kirito's eye twitched uncontrollably. "The baby can't be born here, Silly girl! You've got to open a portal, jump through time, ask for a man- I think he's a Miguel or something- and sit down. And only after all that's been said and done, the baby will be born with rainbow colored hair." His eyes widened at what he'd just said. "Wait, what?"

Asuna sighed. "I think you just had a moment of insanity. I'd plead it, if I were you."

Kirito went over and hugged her tightly. "Asuna, you of all people should know that's never gonna happen," he whispered in her ear, "Plus, the baby's coming. I don't have time to be insane!"

She winced. "And yet here you are - insane. Kirito, I'm TWO months pregnant. The baby's not coming for another few months."

Kirito gasped, eyes as wide as the moon. "**_WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME_**?! I'm the father!"

"And yet you've barely reached infancy," she muttered as he panicked at the sound of his own voice.


	8. Yani, Ko, To, Kun, Chan, San?

Chapter eight- Yani, ko, to, kun, chan, san?

Kirito fingered a quarter fondly, smiling down at the tiny object in his hand. Asuna had promised to take him and Yui to a candy shop if they were good.

She was currently in the doctor's office. Upon taking one look at Kirito, the man deducted he would be distracting and refused to allow him inside. Kirito had thrown quite the tantrum.

Yui sat beside him, holding his hand. Ever since his ever-so-slight breakdown this morning, he'd been **_much _**calmer.

He leaned down and kissed his daughter's forehead affectionately. She gasped in a delighted surprise. "I love you, Yui. Have I said that in a while?" He asked her suddenly.

She shook her head innocently. "Not since Wednesday. But it feels longer, daddy."

"Well, I love you and since mommy's having another baby soon, you and I've got to be there to support her fully. Mommy's also gonna get a LOT more grouchy. But it's not her, it's the baby talking."

Yui cocked her head in perplexity. "Why is the baby mean, daddy? Is she gonna steal all your attention?" She swallowed hard. "Will you love her more?"

He shook his head, pulling the child close to himself. "No, baby. Me and Asuna will love you the guys equally. You're our daughters- ur, how do you know it's a girl? We haven't seen the ultrasound yet."

Yui shrugged. "I just know!" Oh, she was pumped. "Me and Yani-chan will go far! I'll make her a genius for you, daddy."

"Ya-Yani-chan? Who-who's that?"

She rolled her eyes in exasperation. "My sister. Pay attention, daddy! She's YOUR daughter."

He nodded silently, gesturing for her to go on. "By all means, continue."

"Ooh, if there's a SLIGHT remote chance that I'm wrong and it's a boy, it's gonna be Yanito. Or Yani- bō, and Yani-kun, when he grows up."

He chuckled. "So, same name, different suffix?"

Yui shook her head eagerly in disagreement. "No, daddy! If it's a girl, it's gonna be 'Yaniko'."

up He stared at her without blinking even once. "So, same name, different suffix?"

She laughed him off, beaming at her mother as she came out of the office. "Yui, do you want to know what your sibling's gender will be?" She asked with her hand hidden behind her back.

Yui jumped happily to her feet. "Yes, mommy! I wanna see Yani-san!"

Asuna briefly laughed at her daughter's excitement before revealing the blue paper. Yui scanned the page, her eyes growing wide as she gasped.

"It's beautiful..."

* * *

Haha. You guys didn't REALLY think I'd tell you the gender yet, did you? Hm, tsk tsk. I'm not that easy to get information from.


	9. Shopping and Sweet Mistakes

Chapter nine- Shopping and sweet mistakes.

Kirito shook his head in wonder. They'd left the hospital more than an hour ago, but he just couldn't wrap his head around it. He was gonna be a bio-dad? Yui was his daughter, yes, but he didn't create her. Kayaba did, kind of, er, so to speak.

"I can't believe you're going to have a baby, man," Agil congratulated proudly. "My little Kirito is growing up so fast!"

Asuna laughed out loud as he proceeded to mock-wipe a tear away as Kirito flipped him off.

"Screw you, man!" the agitated man snapped.

Klein chuckled and chimed in to help Agil. "I don't know, Kirito. You DO seem a bit more mature these days." He thought back to three months ago (before the pregnancy) when Kirito had gotten mad that Kayaba made it so that dolphins were impossible to ride.

Heathcliff had sweat dropped when the younger man jumped into the lake, giggling like a maniac as he did so. He could only rub his temples as Kirito called the dolphins towards him.

"Come thou, brave servants. Take heed of thy watery foes, the sharks!" (Whatever THAT meant.)

That event had ended with a giant shark bite and a pet hammerhead called "Sparky".

Asuna and Yui flinched, obviously _quite_ aware of what they were thinking about. They'd been there to witness the grand event.

"Mature, I may be," Kirito murmured suddenly, "Foolish, I am not."

"Yep that's describes nothing about you," Klein countered sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

Kirito shot him a wide grin. "Thanks! I thought so, too."

Neither Agil, nor Klein was about to point out he was being sarcastic. That'd just lead to more confusion on their clinically insane friend's part. And Asuna and Yui knew better.

"Well," Asuna broke in finally. "It's the end of the day. And we made a promise. You upheld your part of the bargain, and now it's time for me to cash in my part."

"Candy time?!"

She sighed, rubbing her face as she chuckled wryly. "Yes.

Candy time."

Even Yui brightened up. "Yay!" She screamed alongside her father.

Agil frowned as he whispered to Asuna, "Better watch out. If you're not careful, Kirito'll might make her stupid."

She nodded affirmatively. "Yes, I've feared as much, Agil. Thanks for the warning. We've got to go. Take care, okay?"

Both men nodded as the Kirigaya family walked off (skipping in Yui's case).

* * *

"Where to first?" Asuna asked the family.

Kirito scratched his chin and stooped down to Yui's level. "Why don't you pick?" He queried to his daughter as she beamed like the stars.

"Um... Abracadabra's Magical Milk Chocolate."

Kirito chuckled giddily, hugging the small girl close to his chest, happily. "The fact that our mind is so similar, is one of the reasons I love you so."

Yui beamed as her father kissed her forehead tenderly. "Uh huh. I've got daddy's intelligence."

Asuna shook her head automatically. A genius her husband may be, an asylum escapee, he WAS. "No, Yui, not by a long shot," she thought to herself as the two ran up the path.

She ran after them, laughing maniacally as she did so.

* * *

Abracadabra's Magical Milk Chocolate was heaven to all chocolate lovers. The shelves were stacked with white chocolate, dark chocolate, Belgium delights, and a various many others, including their famous milk chocolate.

"I'm in heaven," Yui whispered in awe at the lovely bars.

Not to that all the shapes were specifically bars. Some were bunnies, sharks, eggs, bacon(don't ask), fudge, swan, lover's appeal (again, DON'T ASK). They even had Yui's favorite- the three foot long Belgium turtle that was shaped as- wait for it- a turtle.

"Mommy, can I have the normal?" Yui asked innocently, her star crossed eyes wondering in wonder.

Kirito wasn't much better off. "Yeah, go ahead. I can't judge, sweetheart."

Even Asuna was a little effected. "Yep. Listen to your father." And that was the only time you'd hear her say anything that even _closely_ resembled that.

"Can I help you?" Came a new voice, Mr. Abracadabra himself came out.

He was a buff man. Not exactly the type of person you peg as a chocolatier. More like a professional wrestler. But a quick smile and a kind word would make you believe he was on his true path.

Recognition dawned on him as he grinned at the family. "Ah, do my eyes deceive me, or is it the Kirigaya family? My favorite customers."

He beamed as he settled down right beside Yui, at her level. "How you doing, kiddo? Keeping your father out of trouble?"

Yui nodded confidently. Abracadabra always made her feel better, so much less shyer. "Uh huh."

He stood up with a cheerful expression upon his face. "In that case, anything you wish to buy is on the house."

Asuna cut on before Kirito could accept. "Thank you, Sir. That's VERY kind, but you can't mean that. These two will rake your shelves clean!" She warned, ever the voice of reason.

Abracadabra laughed it off cheerfully. "I hope they do. People like that are the purest candy lovers that exist. Besides, you've bought enough candy from me to make my baby girl back home happy. She's in the outside world, but she always watches the MMOs or the VRMMO games I play. SAO was no different. You've given her a fantastic scene to see. Besides, I love you guys!"

"Yeah, Asuna, let the guy love us. It's not like we can STOP being awesome. We're just made that way," Kirito pointed out eagerly.

Yui thought it over and nodded her support. "Daddy's got a point, mommy. Yani-san's going to be a Kirigaya, so she's going to be awesome, too."

Kirito nodded this time. "Kid's got a point, Darling. The Kirigaya family rocks at being the coolest."

"Don't forget the humblest," Asuna grumbled, rubbing her temples in circular motions to get the thoughts rolling. "Fine. Anything to get the two of you to stop talking about it."

"Great!" The two chorused.

Hell could only break loose with consent like that.


End file.
